If you commit suicide because you're life is no longer worth living they’ll blame you. They'll blame you for leaving them
with the psychic damage of your death and they’ll blame you for being selfish and accuse you of being a coward. But if you go off and live your
life the way you need to in order to survive, they’ll still call you selfish
and they’ll still blame you for shirking your responsibilities and instead just going
off without any concern for them. Basically what people want you to do is to
stay in place and fulfill their needs and be what they expect you to be in
their lives and go on in that way no matter how miserable you are. That’s what they want. They don’t want you to take your life and
they don’t want you to change your life. They want you to devote your life to
their expectations of how you should live so that you fit in with what they want from you and they insist that alone should make you happy. And if you don’t do that, if it's not enough for you, then
you’re a bad person, you’re a selfish person, a mean-spirited person, an irresponsible
person. It’s bullshit, of course. It’s bullshit. Everybody has got to survive
or not in the way that they see fit in order to make their lives worth living
for themselves. And if they can make their lives of use to someone else that’s
great but that’s just gravy. You can’t live your life for someone else because
they’ll blame you for that, too. It’ll be like “Well you shouldn’t have lived
your life for me. Who asked you to, anyway? You should have lived your own
life.” And you’re like, “Well I would have liked to, but you would have blamed
me for living my own life.” Really it’s just best to ignore people altogether and
do whatever it is you want to do. In the end that’s what it comes down to. You
just have to do what you have to do to get through every day in the best way
you can to make the death waiting for you…well, not worthwhile or even bearable…but
at least not the last of a lifetime of bitter pills you were forced to swallow...
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