("health" muffins)
Just about any commercially-made bran muffin you get is packed with sugar and low on bran. It might make you feel less guilty to eat these gigantic big brown healthy "looking" things for breakfast instead of a chocolate glazed donut but for all the health benefit you're getting, it's little more than a moral victory. And a moral victory means nothing when you get on the scale to weigh yourself in the morning.
Instead, these are bran muffins of which even a stoic like Marcus Aurelius might munchingly approve.
For one thing, these bran muffins consist primarily of actual fiber. More fiber, in fact, than flour. And they are very low in sugar. You can feel good about eating them because they actually have something of that spartan cardboard taste that's the true indicator that you're really eating something good for you. At the same time, they're certainly tastier than taking your bran straight.
All in all, they fall tantalizingly between yummy and healthy. What more could you ask for?
Okay, here's how to make them.
First I use a cup and a half of a good, unsweetened fiber cereal. I already threw the box in the garbage and the garbage already went outside and I'm not going to go rummaging around in it like a raccoon to confirm it, but I think I used Fiber One cereal.
I put a cup and a half of this in a bowl and then pour a cup of milk over it and let the cereal soak up the milk for about ten minutes.
In the meantime, in another bowl, I beat together a 1/3 of a cup of vegetable oil, 1/3 of a cup of brown sugar, 1 egg, and a teaspoon of vanilla extract.
Sometimes I'll use applesauce instead of the vegetable oil, or a mixture, equaling 1/3 of a cup, but the applesauce I had on hand was growing a green fur. St. Patrick's Day notwithstanding, it seemed to me that my "Health Muffins" would be decidedly less healthy if they caused food poisoning. So, with great reluctance, I went will all vegetable oil.
Also you can use 2/3 of a cup of brown sugar for a sweeter muffin. Because I was adding carrots and raisins I figured I could go with less. Besides, with all the homemade chocolate chip cookies and chocolate babkas we've been wolfing down practically as fast as I can bake them lately, I thought a little healthy self-denial was probably in order.
Once all this is creamed together, you add it to your bran/milk mixture.
Next you sift together 1 cup of flour, a teaspoon each of baking soda and baking powder (Score! I love when you use both baking powder and baking soda *and* in the same amount because I can never keep it straight in my head which one is called for when it's one or the other; it wreaks havoc with my dyslexic tendencies and my mild OCD. I have to check and recheck the recipe a hundred times to make sure I haven't confused them and even then, I usually do), and a half teaspoon of salt.
Okay, now you slowly add the flour to the mush in the other bowl. Mix in your raisins, carrots, walnuts and whatever else you want to put in there. Just try to make it something reasonably healthy if you want to continue calling these "health muffins." Chocolate chips, unfortunately, aren't a viable option here.
Spoon the batter into a muffin pan. I use those little muffin liner cuppy things, but you can spray the muffin pan with vegetable oil (Pam or such).
Bake at 375 for about 18-20 minutes.
Let cool.
You can top them with cream cheese if you like but of course whatever you put on top of them to make them taste better is simultaneously making them less healthy. At a certain tipping point, you end up again at the place where you might as well just eat that chocolate glazed donut. So follow your own conscience. Use your own discretion. Remember, as in most situations involving ethical choices, the only person you'll be fooling is yourself.
Actually, that's not really true.
You can fool other people all the time into thinking you're better and more moral than you really are. Just look at all the priests in jail for pederasty. Look at all the "esteemed" politicians kicked out of office for corruption and lying to the public…all the corrupt ones still in office lying to the public! Turn on the television and look at any commercial: people fooling people all the time, 24/7. So let's modify the saying to say, "The only person you ultimately won't be fooling is yourself" because your body will eventually let you know unequivocably just how healthy your "health muffins" really are.
Your cholesterol level, your blood pressure, your blood glucose readings—these don't lie. When you get on the scale in the morning, the ugly truth will be staring you straight in the face.
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