pleaser
to H.
I didn’t
know what
I was
back then
except I
wasn’t like
everyone else
and denied
it by
being everyone
for everybody
having slept
with reps
of every
sexual denomination
& pleasing
them all
by sleight
of hand
this skill
honed growing
up where
mirroring was
a matter
of survival
I mirrored
so many
different lives
in my
non-life
tricking
those
I reflected
into thinking
I could
please them
for a
night, a
day, an hour
in a
dim hotel
room,
for several
years,
forever,
i didn't deny
the belief
of their
own eyes
no
mystery
then i never
had
a
friendly ex
they entrusted me
with something
you should
never
entrust
to anyone:
the difference
between
a reflected
image
& a
photograph
now I
wonder if
it weren’t
a form
of revenge
on everyone
who never
saw me
as who I
am
letting them
see
whatever
they wanted
to see
instead
you are
the
first
person who
told me
I was
not
like
everyone else
and meant
it as
a
compliment
the first
lover I
wasn’t the
reflection of
who looked
into the
mirror and
didn’t see
only himself
but through
himself
& reached a hand
straight down
below the
illusion
to a woman
drowned
in
coma
still sipping
her last
breath
rationed
on blue lips
like a name
she's waited
her whole
life to
whisper.
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