=The Werewolf Diet=

There is a period in the life of every regenerating person when he or she sees how it is. There is none so discreet and wise as you. Then you marvel and say,  “My heart tells me we need to get revenge.” The only time I dared tentatively ask he nearly bit my head off. “How does anyone become anything?” he barked, spittle flying everywhere. It’s like this: God has this crazy, impossible-to-attain standard none of us could ever reach. If you go into the kitchen, and look above the cupboard, just over the coffee pot, you'll find an old coffee can on the left, just behind the new can. There are plenty of things in my past I don’t want to talk about. This simple diet has the potential to help you lose up to six pounds in twenty-four hours, although it's more common to lose two or three pounds. You’ll become a shape-shifting creature with unusual speed, strength, reflexes, and senses. It’s nothing new. People are always asking me why I put up with it. By “it” they don’t mean what I carefully keep hidden away as best I can. There is the week every month when he disappears god knows where, eventually dragging his sorry ass home with a hangdog expression and twigs in his hair. We’ve all seen this sort of thing in countless books, films, and television shows. “He treats you like a Honduran illegal!” they squall, outraged, and wring their proverbial hands. And they’re right. Why do I put up with it? The main rule consists of a simple twenty-four hour fast during the full moon and new moon phases. If you need to be down a few pounds to fit into that dress tomorrow, I don’t have an answer. For everything else, this could be the perfect vehicle, candy-apple red.