=Irregardless, I=

I had come down with a bad case of glossolalia. No one could understand me, not even myself. I thought I was entering a disc-shaped church, but it was a flying saucer. I was trying to think of a beautiful-sounding word for “industrial hell.” We swooshed up beyond the Milky Way. I was haunted by the recurring image of a carnivorous clown. “Cool it,” I told George. “You might be making a fatal mistake.” (Somehow I was seeing George in another dimension; he was thinking of getting involved with some shady drug-dealer types). But I don’t think he could hear me. I called it the “Milky Way” but I don’t know for sure what it was. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen anyway. There's no such word as "irregardless." It has caused controversy since the early twentieth century, though the word appeared in print as early as 1795.

On Tuesday morning I woke up. The guy on the radio said: “If you remove all grains from your diet, you should see an improvement of your symptoms.” My hair is not white it’s snow white and now quite silvery going towards salt and pepper. I also do not react violently to accidental ingestion of tiny amounts of whatever it is. Certain conditions may generate airborne dust particles but that is beneath my notice. I’m not allergic.  Soon I will be someone else. Hazard control and accident prevention are dependent upon  awareness, concern, prudence. Remember that. Also, remember that sweet potatoes, like a lot of other vegetables, have a best by date.  Because of this distinction, you may safely use sweet potatoes as a compliment. There’s no telling how much of your future may already be bad, rotten or spoiled until you walk up to it with a big smile and say “hello.”