=The first sexual fantasy I can remember masturbating to came from a children's book I read that told the story of a tribe who each year picked the prettiest girl, stripped her naked, painted her blue from head to toe, bound her wrists and ankles, and threw her into a bottomless pit to appease a god, maybe it was a corn god. I remember the illustration so clearly I can see it even now. I squeezed my eyes tight and imagined that I was the chosen girl. Now I wonder what kind of children's book could that possibly have been?! Was it even a children's book? Where else would I have possibly gotten such a story? I couldn't have just made it all up myself, I'm certain, aren't I? And why did I even link what should be a fairly horrifying story to sexual feelings in the first place? One notices that no love is involved, no affection, except for being chosen, no human touch, except for the painting and binding and, of course, the throwing. Although now I see that the sensation of falling forever is a pretty good analog for orgasm, and the sacrifice and the implied death, what of the rest of it? What explains all that, anything? =