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  • - * 13 DOORS OF X* *Meeah Williams* The Barking Cat Press * 2015 Brooklyn, NY * Seattle, WA copyright 2015 Meeah Williams/The Barking Cat...

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

=book recently read: Just Kids by Patti Smith

Well, she loves him, you see, she loves him so much
She loves him so much she tells her own story by telling us his
She loves him so much to the end of her life and beyond it
She loves him so much

She loves him so much she doesn't see he doesn't love her
Not the way she loves him
She doesn't see what he sees when he looks at her body
What he feels when he touches her body
She doesn't feel
It's something quite different
Because they are four different people in love with each other
But there's one person missing
He doesn't even realize it himself it's so beyond what he wants to accept

They are two souls alike with four different bodies wanting one thing
They want to be artists
They go hungry. They go cold. They sleep in uncomfortable places.
They wear makeshift clothes.
One day an older couple sees them walking through Washington Square Park and the wife says to the husband "Take their picture, they're artists," and her husband shrugged her off, "Artists," he scoffs, "They're just kids."
They are like ghosts, in other words, only a few sensitives can see.
They want to be seen by everyone which means being seen on television & in museums but one of them needs to be seen more than the other
It makes sense that it's the one who takes photographs
He's looking for himself, like she is, but he's also looking for that missing person
He is the one who wants to be a star the most, to ascend that spiral zenith
She'd be happy to chart his rise 
She's the one who follows after him following the trail of stardust that he sheds
She's the one who sweeps up behind him, takes the crappy jobs to buy the soup he must slurp to stay alive while he dreams of being crucified Adonis on a movie marquee
She's the one who gets lucky when he gets lucky and finds the rich hero just like in the movies
She's the one who would have been happy right here on earth poor as two mice in a floorboard
But to go higher he must go lower than the floorboards
To find the ladder to heaven he must go to the curb
To climb out of the gutter first he must go into the gutter
He stands on street corners dressed in scarves & leathers waiting for men to pull up the sidewalk and motion him into their cars

When she starts singing it's almost by accident
She starts out drawing pictures, writing in spiral notebooks
She writes to Rimbaud and Blake and Whitman and Jim Morrison and Jesus and Joan of Arc
She scribbles them secret love letters in notebooks while sitting in the lobby of the Chelsea Hotel watching an entire cultural history march by 
She starts reading these letters at clubs on a dare out of desperation out of an unbearable need to split her skin
She's seeking a way out 
But a way out of what
Where would she be if she found a way out of herself?
This is the one question that seems worth the answering. 
She adds a guitarist and that's the beginning of something she didn't expect
They think she's a junkie, a lesbian, a punk
They see what they want to see and that is her luck
They haven't any idea how uncool she really is, how romantic, how innocent, how shockingly normal
Allen Ginsberg bought her a sandwich she couldn't afford in an automat once thinking she was a boy he might feed & then fuck

She picks up a camera, too, when the time comes, and it comes too soon
She goes on taking the pictures he didn't take
She sees a different world than he sees 
They are like a beast with eight eyes that cannot see itself
They are living in two worlds even before he leaves the one they share
She is married in love with someone else and has children not theirs
But she feels him leaving when he rides out of this galaxy on his last breath, dies of AIDS, aged 43
He leaves so much of the world unseen and undreamed into being 
He leaves the world and she lights a candle she will not let it flicker out
Not to this day does it flicker out
She is careful, so careful not even to breathe on it
She goes on photographing all the places he isn't 
Through the camera lens she finds that there aren't any places he isn't 
She never leaves home without him
She sings & she dances & she paints & performs & takes photographs
She never leaves home without him

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