What people don't care to acknowledge is that you can forgive, you can even forget the ills done you on a day-to-day, month-to-month, even a year-to-year basis. You can achieve a certain degree of peace with the past. You can come to understand that everyone tried their best under the circumstances according
to their limitations and the traumas of their own life-struggles, but in the end it doesn’t change
anything substantive. It doesn’t change the effects of the actions of those who did you harm. And I
think that’s what people lose sight of when they romanticize the virtues of
forgiveness. When they say “Isn’t it time for you to get over the past, isn’t it
time for you to forgive, forget, and move on with your life?” Easier said than done. You can conceivably forgive someone that plucked out
your eye, but that doesn't leave you any less blind for the rest of your life. Forgiveness
doesn’t grow a limb back; you'll still need a crutch to walk. Forgiveness will not restore innocence lost too early or untouch a
place that should never have been touched. You can forgive the injury done to you
but that doesn’t leave you any less handicapped. There is a limit to what
forgiveness can accomplish. There is a limit to what forgiveness can heal. That
should never be forgotten. Forgiveness can definitely make you feel better; it
can make the other person feel better, and it can prevent any further
psychological damage, keeping you from becoming twisted with bitterness and
rage and that in itself is very valuable. No question about it. But there are
certain essential things that are not going to change ever just because you’ve
forgiven someone. There is no such thing as "good as new." Forgiveness is not a magic wand. That’s too bad. But it’s
beyond you to heal yourself. It’s beyond anyone and anything and that is the
essential tragedy for which there is no corrective, redemption, or grace ever on this earth.
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