= Proletarian-Style Russian Rye Bread=

“Better bread than Red!”

This recipe makes a dark, slightly sweet rustic-style rye bread, great for serving the workers of the world wherever and whenever they unite to rise up against their oppressors. It's hearty fare suitable for any revolution.

First you do the usual thing you do with bread—dissolve a packet of yeast in warm water, but this time you’ll first stir in a teaspoon of brown sugar. Let the yeast foam up.

In the meantime, in a separate, larger bowl, add 1.5 cups of warm water and stir in a ¼ cup of brown sugar and a ¼ cup of molasses. Three tablespoons of caraway seeds is probably enough.  Two tablespoons of canola oil, and 3 teaspoons of salt go in next. When all this is thoroughly combined, you pour in 2 cups of rye flour and then, slowly, 2.75 cups of white flour, until you get the desired consistency, which is a smooth dough that starts to form a nice ball in the bottom of your bowl.

This ball of dough you now remove from the bowl and put on a flour-dusted surface. There you continue to knead it for an additional eight exhausting minutes. Now you can do all this in a stand-mixer if you choose (provided, of course, you have a stand-mixer), but I like to do it like a Russian peasant woman, with my bare hands. I don’t actually wear a babushka on my head while kneading, but I imagine that I am. I picture Rasputin drunk across the kitchen table leering at me. I imagine Trotsky and Lenin in the next room arguing Marxist philosophy and revolutionary tactics; the back door opens to the cold of a Russian winter and a dashing and darkly romantic young Stalin steps inside, just back from some criminal caper in support of the Revolution. He shoots me a shy and longing glance as he passes, joining his comrades in the next room. I have no scientific proof, but I am convinced that such visualizations help the bread come out better. In any event, it helps pass the time and takes my mind off my tiring arm muscles.



Once the dough is sufficiently kneaded, or muscle spasms totally disable you, plop the ball of dough into a bowl greased with butter and roll it around a few times so it’s completely coated. Dampen a towel with warm water and place it over the bowl and then put the bowl in a warm dark place. I like to use the oven, turned off, of course.

Go do something else for an hour.

We went out for ice cream and stopped at a craft store to buy some art supplies.

{one hour later} Take the dough out of the bowl and work it over some more on your floured surface. You don’t have to exert yourself quite as much as last time, unless you went out for ice cream in the last hour and want to work off some calories. When you and the dough have had quite enough, place it on a greased baking sheet and form it into the shape of your choice. Cover it up with the damp towel again, return it to its warm dark place, and let it rise in privacy for another hour.

Finally, it’s time to make an end to it. Grab yourself an egg and beat it up good, then brush it over the surface of your uncooked loaf. In the meantime, you'll have preheated the oven to 350 F. Bake the dough for 30 to 35 minutes or until golden brown, then let the loaf cool on a wire rack or until the hungry masses demand feeding (which should be any minute now).