Blue Narwhal Application
(please read before singing)
Would you like to receive blue narwhals?
What about emails with blue narwhals?
Special blue narwhal mandalas and accessories?
Blue narwhal activities?
Yes?
No?
Speak up.
We can’t read your mind.
If you answered “yes,” please continue.
How do you want to be notified about blue narwhals?
Do you want to be a blue narwhal?
What do you think this is, heaven?
That horn, that’s really a canine tooth that spirals
counter-clockwise up to nine feet in length.
It's covered with nerve endings.
It stuns prey.
This isn't a Disney film about blue narwhals.
This is the 100% blue narwhal real thing.
Would you like blue narwhals in a language other than
English?
If so, please tell us what language you imagine.
Would you like a blue narwhal instead of a grandmother?
Are you a grandmother?
Get that sense of completeness you're missing with
a stunning blue narwhal.
A blue narwhal may not cause symptoms until it moves
into your ureter.
Then look out for your nation’s flag!
There are two forms of universal comedy that transcend all
languages and races: Men getting hit in the crotch and blue narwhals.
The chopped blue narwhal is probably a drug-dealer sandwich.
Poor oral hygiene, gum disease, tooth decay, or mouth infections
can create an environment in which blue narwhals thrive.
Would you like a blue narwhal kiss?
What was Joseph Goebbels like as a person? Ask a blue
narwhal; he'd know.
Just yesterday, a blue narwhal didn't show up for a DUI case
in Montana because it was living with a temple of monks.
The monks never said a word.
True story: Google is working on a blue narwhal that can be
injected into people's eyeballs.
Up here in a penthouse, 600 feet in the sky, where it's hard
to make out the regular people below, a blue narwhal smiles down mysteriously
upon you.
Close your eyes and pucker up.
Your wish is about to come true.
Or someone's.
